I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
