I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
