Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
