Do you still have your period?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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