I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
