I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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