can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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