I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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