My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
