I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
