I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
