she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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