It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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