Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
