Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
