i need an iv and a liver transplant
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
