you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
