look no pants
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It's shark week go big or go home
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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