i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
