they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
