Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize