Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
