I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
my nose is crying tears of wow.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
