I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
