Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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