Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
