Your face is a jimmy john
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
