had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
