they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
