he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
