I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
