I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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