I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
