I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Well I just put wine in my tea
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
