So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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