I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
