walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
