I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
