You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
