There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize