College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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