herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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