watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
