If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
ok first of all what the fuck
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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