I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
