Define "chronic" masturbator.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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