just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
