and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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