Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
