On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
