Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
