Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
