She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
