Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
