the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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