I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
