YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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