I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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