we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
