i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
