Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
