bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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