sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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