Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
