Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
