the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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