I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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