dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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