Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
