Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
