Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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