Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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