I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
