its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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