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We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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