Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
