im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
