You're completely useless in the revolution.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
