My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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